“Comparisons are bad” – Truth or Myth?

Often, I see people advising against making comparisons.

They justify it with phrases like “everyone is unique” or “comparison is the thief of joy.” Some even call it an act of self-violence. This is because comparisons often evoke negative emotions like jealousy, stress, and self-doubt, which people prefer to avoid.

While the “Don’t compare!” mindset spares people from discomfort, it can also trap them in their comfort zones, hindering personal growth.

The reality is – comparison is an innate human trait which originates from our sense of equality and fairness. So, rather than resisting something which comes naturally to us from birth, we can use it correctly for our benefit. Afterall, humans thrive on comparison.

Comparison is only harmful when it is misapplied. Taken positively, comparison can be good and useful.

The Right Way to Compare

The key is to compare tangibles, not intangibles. In simpler words, compare only matters of head, not matters of heart.

Compare tangibles, like people’s actions, efforts, performance, grade, and results – things that you can measure and improve.

However, comparing intangibles, like people’s habits, personal values, love, emotions, and people themselves often leads to resentment and distrust. That’s why, for example, we discourage siblings from being compared to one another.

Make Comparisons Objective

For comparison to be productive and useful, make it analytical and complete.

In other words, always compare across the entire spectrum of the comparable.

That is, consider the full scale from the lowest to the highest achiever to know the full picture.

For example, if you are unhappy because you achieved 80% and someone else achieved 90%, then rather than focusing only on that someone performing better, compare across the entire spectrum from 0 to 100%. Then you will also see people with lesser achievements and your objective position with gaps. Use this perspective to shift focus from feeling bad to striving for better.

Why Comparison is Essential for Growth

Comparison leads to benchmarking which is crucial for both personal and organizational success. Without knowing your current standing, it’s impossible to measure progress or strive for better outcomes. Used correctly, comparison is a powerful motivator that pushes individuals and organisations toward excellence.

Instead of fearing comparison, embrace it as a tool for learning and growth.

Just remember. Next time someone asks, “How is your wife?”

For your own good health, don’t reply with “Compared to what?”

Instead say, “More lovely and more temperate than a summer’s day![1]”

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[1] Sonnet 18 by Shakespeare